Everyone expects the birth of a baby to be a happy time. When the birth was frightening, painful or went very differently from what you hoped, it can leave you feeling confused, guilty and alone, especially when people keep telling you that "at least the baby's healthy".
If you're still reliving your birth, weeks, months or even years later, you may be experiencing birth trauma. It's more common than many people realise, and it can be treated.
What is birth trauma?
Birth trauma describes the emotional impact of a birth that felt traumatic. It isn't defined by what happened medically. It's about how it felt to you. A birth that looked "routine" from the outside can still be deeply distressing if you felt terrified, powerless, unheard or afraid for your life or your baby's.
Experiences that can lead to birth trauma include:
an emergency caesarean or assisted delivery
severe pain, or pain relief that didn't work
heavy bleeding or other complications
your baby needing special care or being taken away quickly
feeling ignored, rushed or not believed by staff
loss of control, or procedures happening without proper consent
a previous trauma, such as sexual abuse, being brought back by the birth
stillbirth, baby loss or a frightening pregnancy
Birth partners can be affected too. Watching someone you love in danger, and feeling helpless, can be traumatic in its own right.
Signs you might be living with birth trauma
You might notice:
Flashbacks or intrusive memories of the birth, or nightmares
Avoiding reminders, such as the hospital, birth stories, or other people's pregnancy news
Feeling on edge, anxious, jumpy or unable to relax
Panic when you think about the birth, or when you think about having another baby
Guilt, shame or anger, at yourself, your body or the people involved
Feeling disconnected from your baby or your partner
Low mood, tearfulness or numbness
Birth trauma can sit alongside postnatal depression or anxiety, and sometimes develops into post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). If any of this sounds familiar, it's worth speaking to your GP, midwife or health visitor as well as considering therapy. You haven't failed, and you're not overreacting.
How EMDR can help with birth trauma
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) is a trauma therapy recommended by NICE for PTSD. It helps the brain process distressing memories that have got "stuck", so they lose their emotional intensity. If you're new to EMDR, our guide What Is EMDR Therapy? explains how it works.
With birth trauma, EMDR might focus on:
the moments that keep replaying: the alarm going off, the room filling with people, the silence before your baby cried
the beliefs that stuck: "my body failed", "I'm a bad mother", "I nearly died"
the body's reactions: the panic that rises when you drive past the hospital
the future: feeling able to consider another pregnancy, or attend appointments, without dread
Many people find that after EMDR they can think about the birth without being overwhelmed. The memory is still there, but it feels more distant, more like something that happened rather than something that's still happening.
Practical questions
Do I need to talk about the birth in detail? No. EMDR doesn't require you to describe everything in detail, and we'll go at a pace that feels manageable.
Can I have EMDR if I'm pregnant again, or breastfeeding? Many people do. We'll talk about timing and what feels right for you at your first appointment.
Can I do it online, with a baby at home? Yes. Online EMDR can make therapy much easier to fit around a young family. Read does online EMDR work?
How many sessions will I need? It depends on what happened and how long you've been carrying it. A single birth experience can often be processed in fewer sessions than long-standing trauma. Some parents choose an EMDR intensive to work through it in focused days. Read more in how long does EMDR take?
Getting support
You deserve to feel at peace with your birth, and with your story as a parent. If you'd like to talk about whether EMDR could help, book a free 15-minute call. I see clients in person at The Tower Clinic in Cookridge, Leeds, and online across the UK.
Other support:
Birth Trauma Association: information and peer support for parents and birth partners
Your GP, midwife or health visitor
If you're struggling to cope, call Samaritans free on 116 123, or NHS 111
Jodie Slee, EMDR therapist and psychotherapist, Accelerate EMDR
